An Open Letter To My Grandmother

Dear Nan,

You are Christmas to me. You are warmth, love and light. You are the tradition and stability I’ve needed over the years. Since I moved so much I’ve never felt quite at home, but your house at Christmas is a place I’ve always been able to return to. I’m scared of the day that’s no longer true, but I don’t want to think about that now.

I want to think about all the years we’ve sat at your dinner table, re-telling the story of me eating butter because I thought it was cheese. Passing the Ikea “wine” around and pretending we’re drunk, and me eating all the green olives you put out just for me.

I’ll never forget the way your house is perfectly decorated and how the tree glows. The sound of Frank Sinatra playing in the background while dinner is served. And the presents; oh so many presents. You’ve always been generous and never stopped giving as we’ve grown up.

You are an amazing woman, strong and smart. You’ve been through a lot in your life and always found ways to turn your pain into love. When you lost your son (my Dad) you volunteered with others who’ve lost someone. When you got together with Dean and he fell sick, you took care of him. When he passed and the house felt empty, you rescued an older dog Penny who otherwise would have been put down.

You are everything to me. You’re the reason when I was a little girl I wanted to be a grandmother – not a Mom – a grandmother. So, this Christmas I want to capture your house and your life with Penny in it. I need these memories frozen in time because one day you won’t live there anymore, and that absolutely breaks my heart.

Thank you for everything. I hope we spend many more Christmas’s together. I love you more.

Phoenix